Is everyone on your friends list really a friend?
A little while back, some kid added me as a friend on Live. Being a friendly guy (and also nowhere near the 100 person friend limit), I went ahead and accepted his friend request even though he didn’t really introduce himself. Shortly after that, he asked me if I would help him beat all the Spec Ops missions in Modern Warfare 2. I replied and said, “Not right now – maybe later.” In my head I told myself that if the kid asked me for help again, I would take him off my friends list. And what happens? Maybe 15 minutes later, he messages me again and asked if I could help him then. I removed him from my friends list and hoped to never hear from him again. Of course, he did try to add me as a friend again the following day, but I didn’t accept, and ever since then he’s been forgotten. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, but it has gotten me thinking lately about what it even means to be an online friend.
Maybe I’m just “old school” and I think one actually has to put effort into a friendship such that you can be considered someone’s friend. But kids these days…adding me and wanting me to spend hours of my valuable time helping them earn these things they call Achievements. Don’t you kids have any manners?! Joking aside, I thought it would be amusing as I scroll through my friend list and try to pick out the different types of “friends” I have.
Tier 1: Real Life Friends
Nothing beats playing games with your real life buddies. You could have grown up together, you see each other outside the gaming world, and therefore have a strong connection. You can joke around and be yourself when gaming, as everyone is comfortably close. Playing games only tightens the friendship.
Tier 2: Real Life Acquaintances
Almost as good as playing with your real life friends are others that you may not necessarily be close to, but have met in real life. Maybe they are friends of your real life friends or maybe they’re your coworkers, etc. Regardless, your connection has transcended that fake “online” plane and is grounded in reality and who knows, maybe you’ll become real life friends by gaming together.
Tier 3: Online Friends
Now, what I call an online friend is different than the generic “friend” term that Live, Facebook, and all that call use to blanket someone on your contacts list. To me, an online friend is someone that you’ve met online, continue to communicate with, game with, etc. Basically, you have a working friendship that is online based. I’d like to think that a few of the friends on my Live friend list are what I would call “Online Friends” – including those of you that continue to follow Leveling Down and comment on our posts!
Online Friends can even become Real Life Friends as well, as I remember back when I was in a World of Warcraft guild, several of my guildmates had real life meet-ups. I never went since I didn’t live in the area of the meetups, but once that “real life” barrier is broken through, you’ve just made some good friends that also love playing video games!
Tier 4: Online Legacy Friends
Tier 4 and down is when things start to get a little more sketchy – when culling the friend list, perhaps these lower tiers are what you need to start cutting down on first. What I refer to as an Online Legacy Friend is someone that you used to be online friends with, but have since fallen out of contact. No more conversation or anything between the two of you – so why keep them on your list? Because in the off chance that one day, maybe you will come back into contact?
Tier 5: Online Acquaintances
Tier 5 is when I would no longer use the term “friend”. These online acquaintances are often people you meet when playing a game online, and maybe you ended up on the same team or something. You get a friend request after the game, and you become “friends” but never talk to each other again. You just sit on each others’ friends list until you forget who the other person ever was. When he sends you an invite to an online game, you think to yourself: “Who is this guy? I’d rather just keep playing my solo game.”
Tier 6: Online Stalkers
Tier 6 is a little strange. This is the friend on my list that sends me a friend invite, never introduced himself, never invites me to any games, never asks for anything, and that’s it. We’re friends but we never make contact or never do. Then why the heck did you invite me to become your friend??
While I’m a little annoyed with the Online Stalkers, I still keep them on my friends list anyway since maybe one day they’ll say something to me. One guy messaged me weeks after he added me to his friends list and was like, “Didn’t you write that Modern Warfare 2 multiplayer guide? I found it very helpful.” I thanked him, and promoted him from an Online Stalker to an Online Acquaintance in my head afterward.
Tier 7: Opportunists/Kids With No Manners
Tier 7 is the worst of the bunch, and what I was complaining about at the beginning of this article. These are people that add you to their friend list, but only because they want something from you. Not even a hello or anything or an introduction – but straight up sending a friend request and when granted, the nagging begins. You’ll have people that ask you to help them do stuff in their game, blast you with all sorts of questions on how to beat a game, etc. Come on guys – that’s what the internet is for – I’m not some walking guide that has this kind of time to give to you, someone who will just get the help and move on to the next victim. If you want people to help you out, at least have some decency and manners. Say hello first, introduce yourself, be understanding, etc. That goes a long way in my book, and it’s what would make me decide between helping a stranger and removing him from my friends list altogether.
There’s probably a lot more types of friends out there on our friends lists. Anyone got any others to share?
How about online friends of friends? Basically people that you’ve added to your friend list through other people you know better. You probably join games with them whenever your closer friend is also online. And if they are cool, you might even play with them online even if the closer friend isn’t there at the time. The cut-off would probably be that you wouldn’t plan in advance to play a game with a phone call or message (unless your closer friend set-up the game).
agreed – definitely have some of those guys on my friends list as well. it’s definitely awkward when you’re playing the same game as an online friend of a friend, because you would play together if that one mutual friend was playing with you guys but without him there, you just both play the same game online but not together. maybe with more game time with the mutual friend, an online friend of a friend can become a friend, although i’m not so sure. part of me is convinced that an online friend or friend of a friend will never be able to get as close to you as a real life friend, but i haven’t done enough scientific research into this topic yet haha
Hah, I definitely recognise all of these tiers very well as well as Mark’s additional one.
I’d also add another one, not sure where in the tiers it would place -
Real Life Legacy Friends
These are guys that I am still real life friends with, but that I rarely ever game with. I like to stay in touch with them if I can, and sometimes I’m interested to check out what they are playing or doing, or have a quick message exchange. And perhaps there will be a time when we’ll find a game we actually want to play together. But thanks to the 100 limit on the FL and the fact I have to use my FL to run SF2 online tournaments, I always have to keep shuffling these people off my list. I always feel really guilty when I do so. I constantly wait for the time when the 100 limit is removed, so I can spam my facebook etc to try and re-find and re-add all these lost gamertags.